Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno