My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?