I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.