We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?