6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...