Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you