my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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