you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.