I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride