she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
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birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.