Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack