he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right