Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack