He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
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I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
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he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed