He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge