He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge