you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...