So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out