I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Someone shit on the floor
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.