Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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