I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.