I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.