Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.