I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then