I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier