Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.