You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
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Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
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dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.