I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
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Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
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I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.