I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
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she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.