No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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