I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman