Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet