I want to walk on stilts...naked
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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