I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
NoShamevember. You game?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.