Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming