Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.