I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.