I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.