I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card