I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.