Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Michigan (734)

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything

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  (734): I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything http://tfl.nu/dkqa
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  Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer

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  (734): Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer http://tfl.nu/g808
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  operation "beaches make me wet" is a go

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  (734): operation "beaches make me wet" is a go http://tfl.nu/4jca
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  Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?

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  (734): Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa? http://tfl.nu/jog8
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  Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.

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  (734): Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid. http://tfl.nu/qckj
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  I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.

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  (734): I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit. http://tfl.nu/jg4n
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  Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher

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  (734): Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher http://tfl.nu/nr2j
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  yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad

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  (734): yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad http://tfl.nu/ewqq
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  I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth

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  Sounds like a blessing in disguise

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  (734): I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth (248): Sounds like a blessing in disguise http://tfl.nu/a82v
  Replies (13) Good night (2478) Bad night (811)
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  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

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  (734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl
  Replies (118) Good night (37788) Bad night (1293)
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  I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.

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  (734): I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage. http://tfl.nu/zca3
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  I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

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  Shittttttt.

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  Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

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  (734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy. (1-734): Shittttttt. (734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy. http://tfl.nu/htfb
  Replies (33) Good night (9684) Bad night (653)
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  Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?

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  (734): Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you? http://tfl.nu/kjun
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  I wish I only lived at night.

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  (734): I wish I only lived at night. http://tfl.nu/lkra
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  i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

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  (734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left. http://tfl.nu/94x2
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