when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"