at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Semen is not good for contacts.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?