Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.