I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
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We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
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and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.