I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
