I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat