They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.