Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.