I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him