Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.