The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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