So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
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Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.