In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?