Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.