I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.