I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
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This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
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No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.