I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.