But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dating After Heartbreak
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".