Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
literally had 100 drinks last night.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing