and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She's the barista slut.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
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Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours