Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
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I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.