She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference