Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (217)

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg

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  (217): Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg http://tfl.nu/vp09
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  I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?

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  (217): I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high? http://tfl.nu/4i2m
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  Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?

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  (217): Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up? http://tfl.nu/08g9
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  i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me

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  (217): i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me http://tfl.nu/3gz2
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  I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.

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  (217): I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think. http://tfl.nu/6ltd
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  4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket

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  (217): 4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket http://tfl.nu/mc6u
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  She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop

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  (217): She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop http://tfl.nu/g9k9
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  I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition

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  (217): I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition http://tfl.nu/xug9
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  We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.

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  (217): We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater. http://tfl.nu/r45m
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  Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.

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  (217): Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons. http://tfl.nu/9jo6
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  Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty

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  (217): Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty http://tfl.nu/906v
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  Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.

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  (217): Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times. http://tfl.nu/ij34
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  What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.

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  (217): What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light. http://tfl.nu/5lx0
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  I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy

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  (217): I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy http://tfl.nu/0wt3
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  some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens

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  (217): some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens http://tfl.nu/oucj
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