I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.