He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...