I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?