there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.