Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dating After Heartbreak
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year