Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
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Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.