Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday