What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sorry my hands just texted you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?