The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea