Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...