I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work