I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.