This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ttyl tear gas
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water