I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"