Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Michigan (517)

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.

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  (517): I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell. http://tfl.nu/ey83
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  Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.

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  (517): Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite. http://tfl.nu/8on0
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  new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals

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  (517): new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals http://tfl.nu/6pha
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  My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.

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  (517): My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance. http://tfl.nu/kmco
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  you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds

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  (517): you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds http://tfl.nu/45sf
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  last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

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  (517): last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet?? http://tfl.nu/wkxa
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  I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?

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  (517): I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore? http://tfl.nu/tjz8
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  I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"

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  (517): I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice" http://tfl.nu/f86r
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  my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.

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  (517): my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab. http://tfl.nu/ejcr
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  Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.

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  (517): Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months. http://tfl.nu/qynd
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  sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.

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  (517): sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him. http://tfl.nu/vixo
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  let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.

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  (517): let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it. http://tfl.nu/9qiv
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  Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.

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  (517): Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever. http://tfl.nu/y7ox
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  Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.

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  (517): Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond. http://tfl.nu/hqwj
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  when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.

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  (517): when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch. http://tfl.nu/wqdf
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